Ready For Donor Eggs?
Am I ready for donor eggs?
This is probably the hardest question any of my patients have to ask themselves. And the answer lies within the patient/couple. No worries about what the doc thinks, she/he will tell you right away that you need to move to egg donation if that’s what she/he thinks. Easy for her/him to say.
I will help you out and tell you that YOU will know when you are ready. All of my patients feel the need to try with their own eggs and most do. Some can’t for financial reasons. They have enough funds to either try with their own eggs or move on to egg donation so, especially with their low chances, they just head to egg donation. Most folks would keep on trying with their own eggs if they had a money tree in their backyard, but of course they don’t. I will say that once I see a couple make the decision, they never look back.
So, it seems that it’s not the going through egg donation that is tough but rather deciding when it’s time to go that route. And let me tell you something, you know who has the hardest time with this decision 90% of the time…..the male partner. Seems that once the woman has decided it’s time she almost breathes a sigh of relief, but the male partner usually has a harder time. I think they almost feel they are cheating their wife out of something…or just plain cheating on her. Silly, but very real to them.
Like I said, it is tough for the patient to finally decide to go the egg donor route, but after the realization that regardless of the “blueprint,” this will be THEIR baby – that this baby will have no other mommy – the decision is almost welcomed. I often share with my patients an article I read many years ago (don’t ask me where or what it was exactly, can’t remember) that stated it is believed that many of the specific hormones made by the woman carrying the baby decide often which genes are turned off/on, etc. This is how I see it – they are the “contractor”. They are definitely given a specific blueprint to follow but how exactly it is followed is up to them. I truly believe this.
Egg donor selection varies as well. Some seem to be able to find their donors within days, others can take months. I had one adorable patient who physically was short, carrying a few extra pounds, and kind of plain looking. She had a ball finding a donor. She picked a tall, thin, athletic donor. I can still remember her laughing and saying she was picking out traits she would want the baby to have. She was most definitely very centered about her decision.
The cycles are almost stress-free as well. They aren’t waiting for the bad news throughout the cycle. Generally, it is good news, followed by more good news, and the toughest decision they have to make is how many great looking embryos to transfer.
Suffice it to say, I have never seen one of my recipient moms holding their new babies ever even give it a thought as to why or how they got to where they are…..just glad that they did.
Please feel free to submit your questions, concerns, or ideas for my next video blog to AskNurseLinda@haveababy.com. I will use your ideas for upcoming YouTube segments. I look forward to hearing from you and hope I can provide you with some useful insights!
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